What a difference a day can make.

Wow, first off let me start by saying I'm *really* glad we do not keep track of our age in hours. I am approx 246072 hours old...sounds horrid!

Back to the main point. The kids have been with grandparents for just 31 hours. A mear blip on 246072 hours of life, yet for some reason my heart is just hurting for them tonight.

Today was great. We slept in until 10am (haven't done that since college I'm quite sure), ate 2 *simple, easy clean up* meals, cleaned a bit, and got work done. In all that peace and quiet I find myself simply missing the chaos. The constant need, the loud laughter and noses to wipe.

Its only been a day. How is it that my heart can be so connected to something that after being without for a day I feel I'm missing a part of myself.

Pay Attention!!!

"Slow down!"..."Think before you do!"..."Pay Attention!"..."Are you here in the moment!?" All things I say to my children as I envision myself ripping my hair out of my head.

We'll see if I can get all of my thoughts typed out in a quasi-organized fashion here tonight. My mind is racing and while it appears that all of my thoughts are interconnected, they are all separate pieces to one very large puzzle.

Lets start at the beginning. The children are with grandparents for the weekend...meaning we are enjoying a nice and quiet evening at home. We opted out of an overnight hotel stay and theater, instead deciding upon carry out pizza, movie, wine and a bubble bath. Lovely choice by the way! With the movie done, we started talking....about memories.

In a 12+ year relationship we have very few distinct memories. How can this be!? We've been through so much together. High school, college, marriage, kids, 3 home remodels, family deaths, a divorce turned around. How is it that we struggle to remember our history?

We are going so fast through this life that we're just here, doing life. We're not slowing down, paying attention or really living it. This is completely not acceptable! I get frustrated at my 10 year old when he gets up from the dinner table and walks with his dirty dishes and all down to the living room, clearly on some sort of dazed auto pilot program, not at all living in the moment. Yet I, nearly 20 years his elder, do the same thing for most of the day...every day.

The first year we had the kids were filled with excursions, adventures, PHOTOS!, elaborate events, lavish home-made birthday cakes that took way too long to make. Suddenly its like all we know is the routine of each day. Up, breakfast, work/school, home, nap, pick-up, homework, dinner, bed. Rinse and Repeat! Seriously, thank goodness we have the same scrambled egg and turkey bacon burrito for breakfast each morning or we'd have no idea that we had had breakfast by the time lunch rolled around. We are on auto pilot. :(

So, how does one turn off the auto pilot? We rely so heavily on it. My to-do list is long and I'm juggling four kids, a home based business, a teaching career, a marriage, and a home to take care of. Auto pilot helps me to effectively and efficiently get through each day.

But that's the problem. I don't want to just get through each day. I want to live each day. I want memories from these years when my children are small, I want memories of my husband and I enjoying our lives.

For the next 12 weeks I'm vowing to get to a point where auto pilot is not my default. Where I'm really living my life again. Where laundry and dishes and even homework on occasion (oh yeah!!!) are pushed...no SHOVED aside so that the routine does not become us. I'm breaking this habit!

We were put on this earth for a reason, and just getting through life was not it.

So much to be thankful for this week!

Its been exhausting yet amazing all at the same time! Yeah, I'm going to take a moment and be all mushy and whatnot...there is much to be thankful for and sometimes you just need to sit for a moment, focus on all the good and put it all in writing.

I truly do adore teaching my 1st graders - I'm so thankful I've been put where I have!

And thankful doesn't even begin to describe my gratitude toward my gift of sewing. During a very tough financial time, my sewing business is helping to keep our household afloat.

We got news this week that we qualify for a refinance that will drop our mortgage payment by over $100/month!!

My main man (hubby) has really helped this week as I've been working longer shifts at work. He even took the toddler to her shot appointment today! Those are *the* worst appointments as parents and he took on the task voluntarily and very willingly. Not to mention all the dishes and laundry he's done this week, breakfasts he's cooked, and all that. ;0) Thanks love!

L's been healthy for over a week now!!! Woot! We went through a good 2 months of constant ear infection, stomach flu and so on. Poor kid lost weight and was just a perpetual crank ;P. Now she's back to her usual spunky, lively and lovely little self!

P had his reading assessments today and JUMPED an entire 4 levels in reading! I'm so proud of the little man for working so hard!

O had ALL assignments in school turned in *on time* this week (something that has been a horrible issue). He really is working so hard to become a responsible kid!

A got her little non-morning-loving buns out of bed the first time I asked her today! Normally its near death threat arguing to get her dressed and ready for school. She took the complete initiative today and I'm beyond impressed. You go little lady!

This week has been great all in all, even with the bouts of hair pulling behavior, an unexpected bill, and all that can bring you down. Always remember to try to find the positives!